I felt like writing to kindof vent and say what I feel about my mother. I have been not myself lately, I love my mother and I miss her. A few weeks ago we had the last appointment with her Neurologist Dr Foster, but I did not realize that this was her last appointment. The Doctor was talking to Shelly and I about arrangements with her autopsy and what to expect in the next few months. I know that this was inevitable but it really hit me hard thinking that this year could be the last year. I fell selfish in the fact that I am feeling sorry for myself, but with all of the decisions that shelly and I have had to make the past few weeks and seeing her going through all that she is going through right now is really hard to bear. I can't stand to see her in the state that she is in. I do have some regrets in the fact that I wish I could have taken the opportunity of getting to know her more when I was a teenager and not being so self indulged. I hope that she will not be in pain at all, and I hope that she can feel that I love her so much right now. Sometimes I think that this is so unfair to have the happen to her at such a young age and I feel like she was robbed of alot of things, but I know that there is a reason for everything and that maybe this was Heavenly father's way of not letting her emotionally hurt anymore and letting her enjoy life (sorta) and forget the past.
Mom....I just want you to know that it is such an honor taking care of you and being there for you. You have fought a good fight, and heaven holds a special place for you. I wish that I could do more for you but I want you to know that you are such an amazing person and that I appreciate all that you did for me when I was younger and for all the hard work you did to provide for us. I love you so much and I will miss you when you are gone even though with this disease you have been gone for a while. I do know that I will see you again and you will always be with me. I LOVE YOU!
